one step at a time

That is how you have to take life. If you try and take a few jumps at a time you fall over and skin your knee or your face or something gets hurt, falling down does not feel good. This does not mean you can not plan for the future just like the hiker who hikes 100 miles he takes it one step at a time but he plans for the trip. During the creation the Father and the Son both planned the entire thing first then they executed it one step at a time. I think that is the purpose one step a time this life will unfold and come to pass. The future is there but it is the future. The present is where we live. One day at a time we live here and now. It also seems that as I get older time goes faster. Sometimes I wish time would slow down that the present would be more present and go slower.

today I failed at something for the first time in forever

So today my Chemical class had to go and get gassed by a chemical agent Sarin and G agents. I did about half of it and then almost passed out. I hope it was because it was ridiculously hot in their in the suit and all the crap we had to wear. I really hope it was not because I could not handle the pressure. I do not think it was but I do not know. Damn. I feel so crappy. I have not failed at anything in forever. I do not want to go back to that place. It sucks. really bad What bothers me is that I was praying the entire time to be able to pass and complete it. I do not know if that prayer was answered I will find out tomorrow. I do not know what the standards are. I so do not want to go back there. I honestly do not know what to do. I really do no know what to do. I have prayed and all I feel like is that it will be ok. I do not know what that means. I do not want to go back there. It is in an enclosed facility all blockaded dull and gray. double walls all the way around. there is no way out there is no escape there is nothing but the agent. and your gear which does protect you. It keeps you alive. The gear does its job. Damn. I wish I had not gotten sick today. I wish I just had it done. I do not know what to do. what am I to do. I do not want to go back. I might have to. does this mean my prayers were in vain. why would God want me to go back there and do that crap again. why does it scare me so much? I know in my head the gear works I have lasted for much longer in a more constrstrictive suit. what is with the stupid chamber and the agents in there that bother me so much. what is wrong with me that I can not do what so many others have done? Does this mean that because God did not answer my prayer he wants me to go back. Or will they decide tomorrow that I do not have to go back at all? If I have to go back why would God want me to do that? What purpose would he have in making me go back into that place? What am I to pray about? What am I to ask for from God comfort? the ability to not go back to not go back? what is it that I must do?

Wow this new president looks cool

So I was doing some research on Obama and his goals for the next 4 years. And it is very impressive. http://change.gov/americaserves/ that is just one example of the kind of thing he is planning on doing. http://change.gov/page/s/yourvision on that page you can input your ideas. On another page you can tell a story of how you like Obama. I mean it is absolute Genius incredible. I really hope he can make his goals. Some of his things I do not like for example the increase in taxes however if he can do all the other things then I can take one or two bad things. I hope that he does not try in infringe on our right to bear arms though that will really piss me off.
But I hope that is all crap spouted by the opposition to his presidency. Only the future will tell, but I am hopeful that this is a turn for the better. I am very hopeful.
peace

it is getting cold here

It is getting cold here and I need to clean out my ride before tomorrow so I can find my pt hat so my head does not freeze tomorrow morning when it is below zero outside and we do friggin pt
One day I will be out of the army
You know I have been thinking I wonder how I am going to pay for school
that is a good question I think
I mean it is not cheap to go to school nor is it cheap to provide housing and food for ones family.
we spend probably 500 a month on food and I eat more then everyone else in the house at this time. that will change one day but for now I eat more.
I sure do wish that I had a wad of cash saved up so that I could just go to college get a degree in vet medicine and then start a practice somewhere.
Will probably end up going to byu simply cause it is cheaper then everywhere else.
hopefully britta can get the chance and we have the ability for her to go to school.
I wonder how it will all work out
peace

what is in a title

So i did not feel like typing a better title to this blog.
Yesterday was a pretty nice bike ride day. Went out and found a new trail. The trail went really far back into the bush I did not get close to the end. It was getting dark so I came back out. I love exploring new places it makes me feel like a real man like I am alive like I do not know but It is awesome. When I came out I just stopped and offered a prayer of gratitude like the confrence talk said i think it was E. Bednar I do not remember said we should every so often just give a prayer of thanks and gratitude without and requests and I did that I gave thanks for all the beauty that was around me from the wind that rustled through the leaves to the clouds that formed a frame to the moon. To the crickets and other wildlife running around. Then I went on to thank God for my wonderful family and wife and kids that teach me so much and help me to be a better person then I thanked him for my friends that are so great. Then I returned to the area around me again and thanked him for the Trees I love trees they are so beautiful and perfect in their many different varieties. I could not ever live in a place with no trees I think I would lose my mind. It was great and I felt really good afterwards. It was good. So by following the council of the apostle whomever he is. I was blessed not with anything great or magnificent but with a happiness and generaly a good feeling. It was very nice.
I can not wait to see my family again They are so awesome. I miss them so much.
love you all
peace

today is another day

So what to blog about today. I do not know. The library on base here has 8600 different DVDs to borrow from and a huge section of books. I just found this out. I have been checking out DR. Who the BBC series. It is pretty good sometimes it is kinda freaky and scary but mostly good adventure stuff. Yesterday I waxed half of the truck tomorrow I think I might do the other half I can see a difference in the way the paint looks. Now I just have to get sometihng to take out all the chips in the paint.
Well My life is pretty boring 20 days until my wonderful family comes down here and stays with me. That will be very very nice.
peace
chris